'Piglet' Review

TV & Film

Jun 1

I first found out about this one because I was looking at all of the upcoming “twisted childhood” movies about childhood characters being turned into slasher killers. After all, that’s what’s in right now, I suppose. I saw that it was free on Tubi and went to check it out.

Why do I do this to myself?

Now, despite its name and the period in which it was released, this isn’t actually a twisted childhood movie. This has nothing to do with the Piglet from Winnie the Pooh, and indeed, the killer is more in the Leatherface style. Oddly enough, however, the mask used by the killer in this film is the same as the one that the actual killer Piglet uses in Blood and Honey, so that’s… something. That and the basic plot does take a few elements from Blood and Honey as well, most notably, a group of girls are spending a weekend at an isolated cabin to be there for the protagonist after a traumatic event (in this case abusive boyfriend, but they’re also there for her birthday) and two of the friends are girlfriends. Piglet kills them and all of the people he comes across one by one until it’s just the protagonist and her sister left to defeat Piglet once and for all.

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The thing that sticks out the most is just how… passionless this movie is. Outside of a few characters yelling here and there, nobody seems all that interested in making sure that the film is engaging at all. Even the kill scenes have no energy to them. The music doesn’t swell, it doesn’t get more intense, and the whole thing just feels like they’re ticking a box off. “Okay, now it’s this character’s turn to die. Okay. Now on to the next scene.

Speaking of the characters, they’re nothing. No depth. No unique characteristics. Nothing that would even cause me to remember their names. Even the lunatic who’s controlling Piglet isn’t really doing anything of note, and that’s usually the character that provides a little fun, as was the case with another childhood slasher film, Mouse of Horrors. The plot is no better. It’s just “characters are here, and now Piglet kills them one or two at a time. They half-heartedly throw in a bit of lore about how he was a prisoner who took some experimental serum or something and gained superhuman strength. I think. I just rewatched the movie, and I barely remember. The filmmakers might as well have ignored any sort of backstory for the character. It wouldn’t have made a lick of difference.

If you’re looking for even an enjoyably bad movie to have fun with, skip this one. It’s a boring slog that somehow drags even though it’s only 88 minutes long. The film has no heart, no passion, no good performances, no scares, no depth, and flat, uninteresting performances to go along with flat, uninteresting characters. Do yourself a favor and skip this one. It has nothing.

Rating: 0/10

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