'Three Blind Mice' Review
Image Source: YouTube
For some reason, I keep doing this to myself.
Yes, we’re back in the world of killer childhood characters, in this instance, the Three Blind Mice of the famous children’s rhyme. However, in this instance, they’re not mice; it’s just three monstrous creatures that don’t look anything like mice that attack and kill people.
The movie starts off as many slasher films do: with a girl running through the woods at night, being chased by something. She’s stopped by a man named Gerald, and together they both try to hide from the mice, fail miserably, and die. Neither of them has anything to do with the plot, characters, and are only there to get killed and start the movie. It’s fairly pointless and kind of boring.
Speaking of boring, the movie actually gets going when the family and friend of a girl named Abby take her to some cabins with a therapist for an intervention, as she’s addicted to drugs. Unfortunately for them, it’s right around the hunting grounds of the titular characters.
Like most of these “kid’s character is a killer in a movie that they made for ten dollars” films, nothing much actually happens. There are whole stretches of the film with almost no dialogue other than characters panting while running or crying about something. The film tries to throw a bit in there about how the mice are genetic experiments in the same vein as what Blood and Honey 2 tried to turn the Hundred Acre Wood gang into. It’s pointless, we never meet the person who did it, and it has absolutely no bearing on the plot or characters.
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Image source: IGN
The mice are kind of a mixed bag. On one hand, whoever did the costumes and makeup for them actually did a pretty decent job, given the limitations. They don’t just look like three stuntmen in a rubber mask. They look like creatures, so I have to give the film credit where credit’s due. The actors try to move around like they’re animals, but it’s often stilted and odd to watch. Their abilities make absolutely no sense. As the title suggests, they’re blind, but they somehow use a crossbow at one point, and have enough dexterity to sew people’s eyes and mouths shut. And it’s never explained why they do that. The worst part is that they somehow have the power to make horrible CGI mice appear that swarm and kill their victims. Because… reasons? I don’t know, and the film doesn’t bother explaining.
The characters are completely flat, though they do try to give the lead some depth. The characters being off the grid because they’re trying to get one of them to kick drugs is obviously nothing new in horror, but it’s still better than a group of teens in the woods partying. Still, they’re trying to make us care a little bit. It doesn’t work, but I appreciate the effort.
The film also suffers from the same problem all of the rest of these films do: nothing has any weight. The energy is exactly the same throughout the entire film, regardless of what’s happening on screen, and that energy is “meh.” It’s a genre of horror sponsored by Ambien. It’s not helped by the music, which keeps to the same low intensity throughout. I shouldn’t be hearing the same music when a character is having a conversation as I do when a character is fighting a deformed monster.
Overall, it’s the usual fare. They try to put a bit more effort into the characters than usual, but it falls flat. The creature designs are actually decent, but not much more than that. My quest to find a good one of these continues. Skip it.
Rating 1/10
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